What a long week! I started off by working Sunday. Blair had class Monday & Tuesday night. Blair brought the girls to me at work on Halloween & I had to rush & dress them there. Jordyn & Chloe both were Stanhope Elmore High School cheerleaders. In fact, we had real cheerleader outfits from the school that we modified to fit. The girls & I ate at Chappy’s Deli & enjoyed seeing all the little kids dressed up there with their parents. After that, I took them to my brother-in-law’s church for the Halloween festivities. Blair left class early then met us there. They played games, ate popcorn & pranced around for about an hour. We were all exhausted so we did not stay long. Wednesday my big boss was at the store a good part of the day & then we did not get home until 7:30 that night. That doesn’t sound late, but when you get up at 5:30, leave the house shortly after 7am & are busy all day! Whew! Thursday I worked late & made it home about 7:30. When I got home, the girls were still up. I took one look at Jordyn & asked Blair how long the red spots had been on her face. Of course, the response was- What spots? Long story short, Jordyn has the chicken pox! Evidently, a vaccine does not mean that they won’t actually get it. At least with the vaccine, the chicken pox will mean less spots & fewer days. Hopefully she will be back at school on Tuesday. It broke her heart to miss. She asked me how in the heck is she supposed to learn if I don’t let her go to school. I traded work schedules & stayed on with her today. Blair will be here taking care of her on Sat/Sunday. Then me on Monday. It is so hard juggling my job, Blair’s job, Blair’s graduate school & the kids both in school.

It seems that it is always something that keeps us busy. This week I feel like I am spinning! Less than a month, though, & Blair & I will be in New York without the kids. I won’t have to take care of anyone but myself & I won’t have to clean a dang thing!!!!!

Here’s a prayer to see broken lives healed.

A prayer to see people in chains set free.

A prayer to see my eyes opened & my heart laughing.

A prayer to see the fatty layer of comfort that surrounds my apathetic life being ripped off, exposing the person I try so hard to hide.

A prayer to see our western culture less interested in hoarding & more interested in giving. Less interested in possessions & more interested in life.

A prayer to see my sick heart a little less filled with sin & a little more filled with love.

Change our hearts, Father-You’re our only chance.

One day I am gonna miss Chloe jabbering away in her little girl voice in the backseat. Last night she said, “I am gonna climb a tree & be a skunk & eat leaves.”

Apparently, Chloe wants to be a mermanade (mermaid) when she grows up. She is going to swim in the river & have a king & a pet flounder. Before the Little Mermaid movie was out, Chloe wanted to be a pretty & tall sunflower out in the sunshine.
Jordyn wants to be an artist when she is a grown up.

I wish I knew what I wanted to be?

I am a happy little camper today. The girls are both at school/preschool. I am off work today & it is raining outside. I am sitting here in my pajamas with a cup of coffee in my hand. It truly is the little things in life that make me happy. Forget the new cars, new clothes & all the money other people have. Give me happy kids, a free day & coffee anytime!

It is so hard for me to grasp the fact that I have been without a father for 10 years. My father died on Oct. 10th 1996 around lunch time that day. My parents divorced by the time I was 3. He lived in Texas most of my childhood/teen years. I honestly don’t remember him being there much except for some during the school summer vacation & Christmas. As crazy as this sounds, I thank God for the cancer. I would not have really known him or built a bond without that year of struggle. I was away at college when I found out Dad had cancer. He came to visit me around October & I knew something wasn’t quite right. I think deep down he knew something was wrong, but he had not even had the diagnosis yet. He had a growth on his neck that was rather strange that he was going to “have checked”. A day or 2 before Thanksgiving he called & told me that I needed to come home immediately. What I did not know is that he was already in the hospital. I found out on Thanksgiving day in 1995 that my father had cancer. He asked me to sit in his lap when he told me through tears that he had been told he only had a matter of months left to live, but that he was going to fight. I had NEVER seen my father cry until that moment. Nor had I sat in his lap. Dad lived until October the following year. The cancer battle lasted almost 11 months. I was there for the first chemo treatement. I was there for the anger. I was there for the extreme sickness, the tumors, the loss of vision in one eye, the loss of mobility. I drove him to & from treatments 4 to 5 days a week. I cleaned up after his sickness. I watched him roll around on the floor in pain & agony. My father was a very strict baptist & never watched t.v. He bought a t.v. & I remember laying on the couch (he had a sectional sofa & I would lay on one end & he would lay on the other) watching Touched by an Angel & Walker Texas Ranger. Through all of this we grew closer & I learned so many things about my father. He fought so hard. One statement he made one day sticks out in my mind. “God doesn’t have to prove anything to anybody by healing me from cancer. He doesn’t have to dig himself out of a hole. My healing may be death & being with him.” Someones true character is revealed in their death. I had a year to see his character revealed. People I had never met would bring over food & pray over him. Over & over people stating how Dad had been there for them during their time of need & they wanted to return the favor of kindness. In my Dad’s most desperate moments he clung to Christ. He said, “Bottom line, all that matters is that JESUS SAVES!” After almost a year of fight, Dad died at home surrounded by family. I was holding his hand when he took his last breath. That is a moment I will never forget. I felt his spirit leave this earth.

I have missed my Dad for so many of the big events in my life. My wedding, the birth of my 2 little girls. But I miss him so much more in the little things. I miss him when my car breaks down. I miss him when I need that fatherly advice. Just the fact the option to talk to him has been taken away from me has ripped my heart out so many times over the years. I am thankful that where father is there is no more pain & no more suffering, but I still miss him. 10 years later it is just as hard to think about it all.

Because I am a scrapbooker, I will be putting more frequent journaling & tidbits on my blog. It is so easy to forget the day to day activities & the funny things kids say, so I am going to start typing them up to remember.

To Chloe (age 3): “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Chloe’s response: “I want to be a sunflower. A pretty & tall sunflower!”

She can be so darn cute sometimes.

Last week: “I love Bryant! He is so Cuuuuuttteee! And he doesn’t smell like stinky!”

Bryant is another 3 year old in her preschool class who loves to hit & terrorize all the other kids. Chloe is 3, already has a boyfriend & of course, it is the “bad boy” of the class. Blair, naturally, says this is my fault. Just because I dated long haired freaks with tattoos that happended to be 3 years older & drug dealers at the high school & freaked my mom out, does not mean it is my fault.

After all, she is only 3.

I think I might schedule some sleep for September.

What a Tuesday! I don’t know how in the world I am going to get used to this shift in our schedules. My days are now completely topsy turvy. To completely understand just how different my days are now, I must explain what things were like for 5 years until this summer.

Before- I would be home all day with Chloe & Jordyn. My days consisted of Chick-fil-a playtime sometimes, House of Java with the girls, laundry, cleaning, bill paying, etc. When Blair got home shortly after 3:30, I would leave for work & be home by 9 or 9:30. Worked Saturday & Sundays. I was home with the girls the majority of the time & then Blair was always with them while I was at work. My job at Lenscrafters was only part time.

Now- I wake up at 5:30 & get ready for work (I am now full time). Finish packing lunch boxes & gathering stuff for the girls for school. I then wake Jordyn & set her to task on getting herself dressed (we lay out clothes & shoes the night before). I wake Chloe next & then set breakfast out for them on the table. While the eat & watch cartoons, I inhale breakfast & coffee. Then comes the morning battle with Jordyn for her to eat breakfast. Let me assure you that there is much drama involved in this task. I dress Chloe & finish getting them & myself ready. After loading up the van with 2 backpacks, 2 lunchboxes, 2 snack packs, & 2 little girls- we are off at 7:20. The traffic on the way to school is lovely. I drop Jordyn off at Coosada Elementary & then take Chloe to FUMC Millbrook for Preschool. After taking care of dropping off the girls, I get to drive with the rest of the world down the interstate to Montgomery. Today it only took me about 40 minutes to get to work. I worked from 8:45 until 4:45 with a whole 30 minute lunch included. Then I meet the girls & Blair at home. Dinnertime, cleanup, baths, packing lunches, picking up toys, some cuddling then bedtime. WHEW! I honestly could have gone to sleep at 7:00. This coming from the night owl!

I know things will get easier with time. The girls are doing great, but mommy is having a hard time. I cried yesterday off & on until about 1 & then at work today twice (My boss likes to cuss & yell sometimes-this gave me the little nudge over the edge. Also, 2 people called in sick). Feeling so sad & overwhelmed about this change in routine has blindsided me. I thought I would instantly feel better about being out of the house & around “adults” (I put adults in quotation marks because I work with 5 guys in the lab & I am the only female).

It was nice laying in our bed with the girls, cuddling & watching cartoons. We haven’t had much family time over the years, so that was a nice ending to a looooonnnnnnggg day.