Just thought I would post a little life update.

Blair is still teaching at Stanhope Elmore High School & loving it. He finished up his Master’s Degree in August & is now back at AUM working towards his doctorate. He went to Paris a couple of months ago & will be traveling to Paris & Madrid again during Spring Break in March. So far he has been to New York, London, Italy & Paris with EF Travel & taking students with him. He is a brave man! He is still reading everything he can get his hands on during his spare time. Also, I think his main hobby right now is researching & dreaming about the Mac he is going to get. (Nerd)

I am still working at Lenscrafters making glasses. I cannot believe it has been 8 years since I started there! It has been a tough year, but it has got to get better from here. We have had a tough time meeting sales goals as well as a ton of staff turnover. I still absolutely love my job & what I do! I cannot imagine doing anything else. I am still into scrapbooking & goofing around on Myspace.

Jordyn is in 1st grade & loving it! She so far is doing great in reading & having a little bit tougher time with math. Last I checked she still had A’s in both. She has started reading “chapter books” and is so proud of herself. Her favorite book series right now is called Junie B. Jones. Jordyn also loves to scrapbook like mommy & do crafts too. Her favorite movie right now is High School Musical 2 & her favorite show is Hannah Montana.

Chloe is in preschool at a church place this year. She loves it! She is a very social creature like her daddy. She can already write her name & knows her colors, shapes & a whole lot of her letters & numbers. Her favorite shows right now are Brandy & Mr. Whiskers & Looney Tunes. Chloe also really is into playing games on the computer.

Well, that is the brief update…

Pardon the rambling:::::::
It has been 11 years today that my father died. It amazes me that I still think about it as much as I do even as the years pass. I wonder if there will ever come a time when October 10th is just another day for me without even a thought of my dad.

My father wasn’t there as much as I would have liked growing up, but I still miss him. I miss the thought of him being involved in my life. I miss the thought of him having fun & getting to know my girls. Dad died from a year long battle with cancer at age 40. He only lived 8 years longer than what my age is now. So young, yet so wise about life. Some words that come to mind when I think of him: sarcastic, witty, reserved, quiet, servant, simple. Dad made many mistakes, but I can say he truly tried to live out his Christian faith as he believed it. It came out legalistic & full of rules to me as a teenager, but looking back, I know he was just trying to “flesh out” what he believed. He was a mechanic who enjoyed restoring old vehicles in his spare time. Dad always served behind the scenes at church doing sound for the music. I think he felt uncomfortable in big groups of people so he served. He never had new cars or the nicest home, but it was paid for. I think he was content with the basics & necessities of life. I remember him stopping & picking magnolia blooms off of trees & taking them home to enjoy. When he was sick & could not walk anymore, he would look out the window & enjoy his rose bushes & birds playing in their little homes. Deep down I know he loved me but had a hard time expressing it. We had such a hard time connecting & understanding each other. When I was young he moved to Texas & lived there for about 14 years I think. I remember visiting during the summers as a teen. Just so confused & rebellious. I hated the fact that he wasn’t more involved in my life, yet resisted his even small attempts by lashing out. I know I had his temper & it came out so much during those visits. There are things about me that I know are “classic Jimmy”. My temper, depression, but most of all my super sarcastic sense of humor. He was a man of few words, but when he did speak, it could catch you off guard. Sometimes he could just be so funny & witty.

During his time of sickness we got to know each other so much more. There was so much suffering during that year of him fighting for his life, but also so much bonding between us. After being angry & confused for so many years of my childhood, we were able to reach an understanding. It started the day he told me he had cancer. I remember coming home from college Thanksgiving Day in 1995. I arrived at the hospital wondering what in the world was happening. He asked me to sit in his lap which was so awkward for our relationship, but i did it anyway. I looked up & he was crying. I had never remembered seeing him cry, ever. He told me he had stage 4 cancer & probably a matter of months to live. My grandparents & aunts & uncles came to the hospital & we had Thanksgiving lunch in the cafeteria. That day will be burned in my memory forever. Dad fought & fought that next year. Chemo & sickness, herbs & shark cartilage, immunotherapy, tumors, pain, vision loss, mobility loss………..It was hard, but I am glad we had that time together. I drove him to the hospital 3 days out of the week for chemo & we talked. We watched Walker Texas Ranger, Home Improvement & Touched by an Angel while laying on opposite ends of his couch. We ate Meals on Wheels together in his trailer. I read his favorite passages of Scripture to him. I may not have many childhood memories, but I do have these moments that I will hold dear. I have so much respect & love for the way my dad fought his cancer & his attitude that year. He still clung to his faith in Christ. Sometimes he would just stare out the window looking up at the sky. I would ask him what he was looking for. He responded with, “just waiting for Christ to return for me.”

I wish he was here.

Today’s date & time: Wed. 9/12 at 6:27pm

1. Inside, I feel like I’m (what age): 20 sometimes, & 40 at others

2. A goal I’m working on right now: Scrapbooking at least 1 page a week

3. My most recent achievement: Wow, I can’t think of anything huge. Mainly little life things. I just finished a scrapbook page from when we bought our house in 2005. Also, had the girls picture made together this morning & they did great!

4. The last gift I bought for someone: A coffee mug for my general manager.

5. The last CD I bought: Paramore - Riot

6. My current favorite song: Molly Jenson - Maybe Tomorrow

7. The last movie I saw in a theater: Kid movie was Underdog. Adult movie was Knocked Up.

8. The last book I read: Dean Koontz of some sort

9. The last new thing I learned: How to test a fuse with a Voltmeter. (work!)

10. What I’m wearing right now: Black yoga pants & black tank

11. The last person I talked to on the phone: Blair

12. What I ate for breakfast today: Hardee’s Omelet Biscuit

13. What I thought I’d be doing by this age: I did not have any real career goals necessarily. I did think I would be thinner a happier with myself. More content with life.

14. Something I’m saving up for right now: Not really saving, but looking forward to a new tattoo in December.

15. Someone I think about a lot: Other than family, My boss/friend who moved to Birmingham. He was a great big brother & it is just not the same now.

16. The last person I helped: Other than my children. Helped someone at work be able to see!

17. The last thing I apologized for: My children for me being grouchy with them.

18. Something I’m worried about: Paying the bills this month.

19. What I wish for when I see a shooting star: Contentment for me. Health & happiness for my husband & girls.

20. What my plans are for the rest of this day: Bathe the girls & put them to bed early. Then scrapbook time for me!

I am sick of being tired. I am sick of not feeling well. I am sick of my back & ovaries hurting. I am sick of feeling like a hamster running on a wheel. I am sick of feeling like I am not liked for who I am by my husband. I am sick of a trashy, cluttered house. I am sick of being overweight. I am sick of not having a relationship with my mother. I am sick of not having a father alive. I am sick of being who I am. I am sick of feeling helpless. I am sick of not feeling content with myself nor my life. I am sick of feeling like I am not getting anywhere. I want joy. I want contentment. I want unconditional love. I want peace. I want rest. I want health. I want a mother. I want that connection with Christ that I used to have. I want not to feel restless & frustrated.

This is me today.

Nothing ever can happen at a convenient time. Blair leaves for Italy tomorrow for 9 days. Guess what? Took both kids to the doctor this morning. Chloe has strep throat & Jordyn has a gastrointestinal virus. Sounds like I am going to have a fun week. Luckily, I am off work this weekend. Everyone keep your fingers crossed for Monday! I work Monday & Tuesday.

Here is the latest update on my father in law. This is an email update that my mother in law sent out today, Tuesday.

I have copied and pasted an article below from relevantmagazine.com. I read this article this morning & it really struck a cord with me….

I am a complete mess.

That is how I’ve felt lately. I don’t think anyone else thinks so, which in some ways is maybe what is so tragic about it.

I have a friend who doesn’t hide it from anyone that she’s got issues. It seems like every time I talk to her I feel like I’ve been puked on. She tells me the trashier details of her life. She tells me about the guy who she went home with last weekend after a night of clubbing. She calls me frantically when she is afraid that she is pregnant or contracted an STD. She complains about the squishy part of her hips that never disappears despite her obsession with aerobics. She asks me if she should consider liposuction. She shows me her latest round of credit card purchases from Nordstrom’s, and then tells me she’s considering filing for bankruptcy.

I look like a porcelain doll compared to her. But, the porcelain is beginning to crack …

Lately, life has been overwhelming and incomprehensible, and it scares me. I’m afraid to even have a plan or a dream because I’m afraid of being wrong. I’ve been wrong so much lately it seems. I don’t know as much about what I want as I think.

My compassion occasionally grants people the right to walk all over me. My ambition sometimes chokes my relationships, because I forget to slow down and really see people. My goal of excellence pushes me too far, and before I know it I’m expecting perfection from others and myself. My optimism causes me to be hurt by life’s disappointments and failures. My feisty character sometimes causes me to say or do things I regret later. My thirst for knowledge often turns to arrogance. My desire to be known sometimes causes me to act self-important. My self-consciousness prompts me to hide. My independent spirit sometimes alienates people when I actually really need them.

It seems like lately I’ve been erring on the wrong side of my personality, like life is all leaning in one direction, like gravity is pulling me downward when I’d really like to learn how to fly. I’m discovering more and more flaws, more and more things I need to work through.

And I cry out to God to heal me, to give me wisdom in the complexities of life, to grant me the courage and humility to apologize, to allow me to see myself truthfully. Yet, I’m still wrong sometimes. I hurt other people. I hurt myself. I hurt God.

It’s never made sense to me that God would guide me to be wrong. So, I’m surprised at how often I muddle up the things I feel very strongly that God has led me to do. But, at the same time, I don’t regret any fumbled steps. I know God was there with me for each stagger. Maybe it’s possible for God to guide us to do things even though He knows we’re going to flounder and blunder our way through it. Maybe that’s what God’s grace looks like—it fills the gap between our bumpy, messy lives and His glory.

My faults, my failures, my fumbles and my messes … That is where the glory of God comes in and illuminates, not for the sake of my knowing or understanding life, but for my seeing the greatness of God.

Maybe my mistake is in thinking I have to look like porcelain in order for God’s glory to be evident. Maybe I actually have to allow myself to be seen as the mess I really am. Because in my weaknesses, in the cracks in the porcelain, others may see the power and goodness of God.

I doubt I’ll ever think it wise to spill the messy details of my life into just anyone’s lap like my friend does. But, do I spare people the details just to maintain a façade?

I let only a select few into the mess, and I’ve realized that sometimes I shut out the very ones I want in just because I’m afraid that their own lives which look so neat on the surface would be soiled by mine.

And the friends I admire the most are the ones who have allowed me to see their flaws. It is their transparency and their struggle with the mess that I respect. They don’t deny it, but they don’t excuse it either. They fight to be sure that God’s glory can shine even brighter in their lives.

Like me, they would probably claim to have messy lives. But, I don’t see that. I see God’s goodness, His power, His mercy.

May we all give God room to get the glory in our broken, messy lives.

My father in law just arrived at UAB Hospital in B’ham a few minutes ago. Will post down below most of what Blair typed earlier today. I have pneumonia & am taking care of the girls tonight & in the morning. I cannot just have one problem at a time….

Blair’s bulletin from this morning:
My last update told you that Dad would be allowed to go home on Sunday afternoon if he had a good night on Saturday night and a good morning Sunday morning. He had neither. Due to the lack of heart function, he is retaining too much fluid. Though they are giving him diuretics, the heart is not pumping with enough strength to get the fluid circulated through the kidneys and out. Saturday night, I stayed with him, and he had quite a long coughing fit as he tryed to get his breath. All I could do was pray for him, pray with him, and help the nurse. The nurse finally decided to give him some oxygen, and that helped a bit.

Sunday morning, Dad was told that he would not be going home as he had hoped. He began to negotiate with the doctor… he asked if it would be possible to go home for a day or two instead of staying home until Friday. The doctor told him, “When you are well, you can come back and yell at me. Until then, I am going to make the best decisions possible even if you don’t end up liking them.” The family was happy because we didn’t want him sending Dad home in the first place. The doctor told us he would speak with UAB on Monday morning and see how quickly they could get Dad in.

The doctor came in this morning and told the family that Dad would be transported to UAB today. If we can get him up there soon enough, they will conduct some tests and do bypass surgery tomorrow. Regardless, they will be doing surgery as soon as possible.

Wow! This is finally the first post of the new year. I have high hopes for this year, but I just have to tell ya…..not that great thus far!

It has been one hell of a week. One of Blair’s students, Sean Dennis (a senior), was killed in a car accident this past Sunday night. We have seen how something of this magnitude can impact a small community. There was at least 700 people in attendance at his service this past Thursday night. Blair has lost several students over the years, but for some reason this time it really touched/burdened him. With that starting off our week, it is only natural that one of the girls would get sick. Chloe had strep until Thursday & was finally able to go back to preschool. Now I have a sore throat and fever to start off this weekend! YAY!

As if all that wasn’t enough to stress us out, Blair’s father is in the hospital. Larry went in this past Tuesday for tests & then was admitted to the hospital Wednesday afternoon. Originally, he was told that his heart appeared to be about 30% enlarged & that there was some problems with his liver. They help him get rid of a ton of fluid which seemed to help him feel better by Thursday. Today (Friday), Blair’s dad had a heart cath. performed. We honestly weren’t expecting the news we received at all. We were rather blindsided. The test showed a complete blockage of 3 of the main arteries, a small percentage of flow/function of the heart, and a blood clot within the heart. The main concern is that the heart is too weak for any type of surgery. Plus, a blood clot can be a major problem. The heart specialist is supposed to come around the hospital around 10am tomorrow to tell is what to expect. Everyone, please pray! Blair’s dad is only 63 & has many years of spunk & meanness left in him. We are so fortunate that Larry is in the hospital here in Montgomery & we are able to be up there alot this weekend. My Aunt Teresa in Pelham has been such a blessing & is keeping the girls for us so that we don’t have to worry about who to watch them, etc.

This is gonna be a good year! Obstacles be damned!

When I say… “I am a Christian” I’m not shouting “I’m clean livin.” I’m whispering “I was lost,” Now I’m found and forgiven.

When I say…”I am a Christian” I don’t speak of this with pride. I’m confessing that I stumble and need CHRIST to be my guide.

When I say… “I am a Christian” I’m not trying to be strong. I’m professing that I’m weak and need HIS strength to carry on.

When I say… “I am a Christian” I’m not bragging of success. I’m admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say… “I am a Christian” I’m not claiming to be perfect, My flaws are far too visible but, God believes I am worth it.

When I say… “I am a Christian” I still feel the sting of pain, I have my share of heartaches So I call upon His name.

When I say… “I am a Christian” I’m not holier than thou, I’m just a simple sinner who received God’s good grace, somehow.