I want you to think about some of the big signs with big messages that I bet you wish you could wear around your neck. Sometimes so that people would be more gentle or even that you could put around the neck of someone you love. So that you didn’t have to go into a big long story to defend yourself or someone else. So that people would just stop judging and and just be kind.
-I am in pain.
-I just lost my job.
-I haven’t eaten in 3 days.
-I am going to lose my house.
-My child died in a tragic accident.
-My depression is back.

WHAT IF we could all wear a sign that said what WE REALLY MEANT? What if we could go straight past the small talk or the masks and we could actually go straight to the heart of the matter? What if our friends and family wore signs like this?
-I’m going through a painful divorce.
-I just became a widow
-My child has cancer, & it’s bad.
We would treat each other differently.

We should just try to imagine it - that when a friend is quiet…or not showing up to stuff she usually shows up to….or acting a little “off”….or a family member is wearing pajamas to the grocery store for weeks on end……or not answering the phone…..or the lawn is not mowed…..
Whatever it is……….
IT IS A SIGN. It is not a sign that can be read in words and letters, but it is a sign that someone needs to be treated gently…that they need help….most of all, that they need love, understanding…and that they DEFINITELY DO NOT need to be judged.

Let’s be gentle with each other.
Let’s read each other’s signs.

Bubble Baths with candles & music.
The start of fall.
Grey’s Anatomy.
Purchasing new music.
A clean house.
A whole day spent in my pajamas.
Rainy days off work.
Scrapbooking time.
Afternoon naps.
New bold gel pens.
Journals.
Flavored coffee with fat free Hazelnut creamer.
My children’s laughter & goofiness.
Google reader.
“Me” time.
Organization.
The Office.
Butterflies.

Authentic community is very painful and risky. A community of friends are mirrors of your soul. They are willing to tell you what they hear and what they see with the hope that you will become a better person and also do the same for them. It hurts.

“Next to the word of God, the noble art of music is the greatest treasure in the world. It controls our thoughts, minds hearts, and spirits….a person who…does not regard music as a marvelous creation of God…does not deserve to be called a human being; he should be permitted to hear nothing but the braying of asses and the grunting of hogs.”
-MARTIN LUTHER

• I have this weird obsession lately with binders. I organize paperwork into them & then they are alphabetized & categorized. It actually makes me happy & content to see them standing there with labels on the side. All organized.
• I cannot relax when surrounded by clutter. So basically, I am NEVER relaxed because I am ALWAYS surrounded.
• I search on Myspace for different bands & music & change my profile song like 5 times a day.
• I love buying scrapbook supplies, but rarely even get a chance to use them. The joy is in buying them & getting to stare at them & how cute they are.
• My husband wants to purchase a Mac at the first of the year & I am actually looking forward to it. (Shhhhhh, don’t tell him)
• I have an unhealthy love for flavored coffee creamers. My favorite right now is Belgian White Chocolate Macadaemia Nut. It rocks!
• I watched an entire season of Heroes on DVD in less than a week. I really need to get a life.
• I am so freaking excited to go to the Porcupine Tree concert in Atlanta next week. I mean WAY to excited for any normal human being. I even gave up buying Starbucks & eating out this week just to buy the ticket!

Some of this may be listed elsewhere on my page, but anyways….Me today!

1. I drive a minivan. Sometimes I even turn up my rock & roll the windows down & pretend to be cool.
2. I prefer email over the telephone most of the time.
3. I have a major aversion to fake people.
4. I’m a compulsive list maker. Sometimes I actually get to mark things off.
5. I hate to iron.
6. I hate to cook.
7. After drinking a latte with 3 espresso shots I can still immediately go take a nap.
8. I do have a favorite cuss word. It is a bad one.
9. I have a passion for purchasing scrapbook supplies. I would say I have a passion for scrapbooking, but I never have time!
10. I am lousy at loving myself.
11. I love hard rock, punk & folk music.
12. My red PJ pants are falling apart, but I wear them constantly.
13. My dress code for work is all black. I think I would probably wear it most days anyway.
14. I HATE clutter, but live in it. A messy husband & 3 kids are the culprit.
15. I never actually feel rested & relaxed. Mostly restless & uneasy. I can never turn my brain off.
16. I am just usually “one of the guys”. This is a good thing considering I work in a lab with all boys. I can make penis jokes with the best of them.
17. After I turned 30, for some reason I stopped caring what people think of me.
18. I am finally almost at peace with church again.
19. I really don’t like it when people do the “drop in”.
20. Sometimes I am a yelling parent, and I really hate this about myself.
21. I like my blue eyes.

What I ate for lunch today? Leftover Pizza

My fave song today? JJ Heller’s song “Everything is Changing”

Last book I read? Can’t remember, but I read tons of scrapbook mags.

What I’m Wearing Right Now? Red PJ pants & black tank top

The last restaurant I ate at was? Chick-fil-A

My fave TV shows? Grey’s Anatomy, LA Ink, Neat, Mission Organization

My current occupation? Lead Lab Tech at Lenscrafters

My dream job: Owning or managing a scrapbook store (even internet would be great). If I owned, I would have a combo scrap/coffee shop & call it Scrap a Latte’

The best birthday gift I could receive would be? an entire weekend to myself. 2 nights to myself at a hotel & someone to haul my scrap stuff up to my room.

If I had a million dollars? 1. pay off house, 2. pay student loans, 3. college funds for kids, 4. Get rid of my van & get a real car

The goals I am currently working on: Finding balance with being a working full time mom, being a good wife, mother & taking care of myself

How tall am I? 5′4″ Weight? 220 or 230, too depressing to check

My fave thing to do? sip coffee & scrapbook (NEVER have time)

I drive: 2004 Kia Sedona MInivan

2 things everyday I couldn’t live without? Coffee & I-Pod

2 things I worry about: Jordyn & Chloe

2 stores I shop at: AC Moore & Target

4 fave movies: Weird Science, Breakfast Club, Son in Law, Swordfish, Raising Arizona

Fave Bands/ Musicians: Beastie Boys / Blackfield / Damien Rice / Deftones / Evanescence / Flyleaf / Godsmack / Hurt / Korn / Lacuna Coil / MCR, Mudvayne / Mushroomhead / Opeth / Panic at the Disco / Pantera / Porcupine Tree / Rage Against the Machine / Red Jumpsuit Apparatus / Riverside / RPWL / Seether / Sevendust / Shawn McDonald / Snow Patrol / Stone Sour / Stone Temple Pilots / Submersed / Tina Dico / Todd Agnew / Tool

Biggest Challenges I have been through: Facing Cancer with my father & Marital difficulties as a newlywed

1. Losing Blair

2. Losing one of my Children

3. Cancer

4. House fire & losing all of my pictures

5. Never being thin again

6. Dying, standing before Christ & realizing I have it all wrong

7. Never feeling confident or good about myself again

8. Never finding that church that feels like home

9. My children as adults not wanting me to be a huge part of their lives

Scenes of you come rushing through
You are breaking me down
So break me into pieces
That will grow in the ground
I know that I deserve to die
For the murder in my heart
So be gentle with me Jesus
As you tear me apart

Teach me to be humble
Call me from the grave
Show me how to walk with you upon the waves
Breathe into my spirit
Breathe into my veins
Until only love remains

I have had a really long, busy, stressful week at work. The other day while leaving I commented to Blair that I sure hoped the house looked better, not worse when I got home from work.

His response, “I will make sure to turn off all the lights so that it is dark when you get home.”

He is such a nerd!