Me. Here I Am.
Time for a little “me” update. I wasn’t updating my blog or on the internet much for a while. In fact, I deleted my Myspace page (gasp!). Basically, I had been spending time trying to get my crap together. I have posted many times over the last year about a struggle with depression. I finally have gotten off of my ass and have been trying to do something about it. Blair & I started seeing counselor some months back & I started taking Lexapro. I hate medication, but have realized that if it makes me a happier person & better wife & mother then I have no choice. The history of depression & mental illness on both sides of my family is rather astounding. So, I sucked it up & I am better for it. It is still a journey but one with much less crying & anxiety.
I realize also that I needed to stop creating who I thought I was supposed to be and start discovering who I really am. I feel deep in discovery. I have been a Christian since the age of 18. Along with that, I made up all these rules & ideas of what I thought a Christian was supposed to look like & act like. I am finally at the realization that I have to be who God has specifically called Me & ONLY Me to be. I am not the cookie cutter, dress wearing, only King James Version toting Christian. I have tattoos & love rock music. I drop the “F” bomb on occasion. I like a beer every once in a while. But guess what? THAT IS OKAY. I love God! God loves me! As simple as that.
Me. For better or worse, here I am.
I love you woman… just as you are. Beautiful, funny, creative, and wonderfully complicated!
Be assured and know that God created you to be JUST AS YOU ARE. Believe in the callings He placed in your heart. Not everyone has the same path to salvation, but every path in that direction is the right one.
His Blessings to you and your beautiful family, Miranda.
welcome back sister… you are awesome and I love ya!! tatoo’s and all — you are not freakin’ scared of needles — i admire!!!
I know this is an old post but I still felt the need to comment….
I have come to reliezed that while the detailes of our lives may difffer we all share many of the same feelings and struggles. I too have delt with depression over the years - but with a lot of soul searching, reading, counceling, and also medication - have become a much happier and secure version of myself. It is sad that there is this stigma attached to depression that keeps so many people from getting help. For a long time I hid my depression - I felt like it was a reflection of who i was as a person, that it showed a weakness that I was ashamed of. I have learned though, that there is something very empowering about being honest about who I am and because of that have been able to form much closer relationships with the people I love.
I also have been on a spiritual journey. Over the years I have explored many different religions and spiritual paths as an alternative to Christianity. Although I believed in the fundamentals of the Christian faith, there were so many other areas where what I believed and felt were very different than the Christians that I knew. I too had created in my mind (or been taught) this idea of what a “real Christian” was. I thought to become “that” person and to fit into “that” world I would have to change every aspect of who I was as a person and I wasn’t sure that I was able to or for that matter wanted to do that. Then I met someone who gave me some great advice - he said just start by getting to know Jesus, read his words, and you will find what it means to be a Real Christian. He was right.
So anyway I guess what I am trying to say is that while it makes me sad to hear of your struggles it is also comforting to know that I am not alone in this journey. Thanks for sharing.