Both my babies started school today! Honestly, I thought I was going to jump up & down when I dropped them both off & had the day to myself. Well, I admit. I cried like a little baby after I dropped them both off. It is the sudden realization that my babies are growing up. I am no longer the only & primary influence in their lives. They will be under someone else’s care for 35 to 40 hours a week. It was much harder to leave Chloe because she is only 3. For Jordyn, it felt like it was time. When you turn 5, the natural order of things is to start Kindergarten. I was able to stay home with Jordyn during the day until she started school. Things are just different with Chloe. Our situation & lives are different. If I continued my work schedule the way it was (working nights & weekends), I would never see Jordyn. I would have only seen her when I dropped her off at school & a bit on the weekend. This is the best compromise that we have been able to come up with. My shift in work schedule has also allowed Blair to be able to work on his Master’s degree at night.

My heart was sad all day. I cried & cleaned house & cried & cleaned house & cried some more. I was reminded of a quote one time that said, “to become a parent is like having your heart walk around on the outside of your body for the rest of your life.” After 5 years of being a parent, I can say that I now fully understand this statement. As a parent you are always thinking about your children & worrying over you children. When your child gets hurt, you hurt. When your child gets picked on, you want to defend them. When your child goes to school the first time, you want to experience it with them. As they grow up, they start pulling away & depend on you less and less. I thought that my heart would rejoice as they became more independent, but my heart has grown sad. It is something that you can’t fully understand until you have children of your own.

Chloe & Jordyn both came home with a smiley face & not a sad face. Chloe’s paper said that she was a little fussy, but was a good helper. Jordyn’s favorite things so far are riding the school bus to daddy’s school, being the line leader & going to the bathroom all by herself. They are both completely exhausted! Jordyn is whiney & dramatic about everything. I am sure it will be like that for a few days until she gets used to her new routine & doing so many activities throughout the day.