“You’ve go to be who you are no matter how dangerous it is.”
~Lawrence Weiner

Bubble Baths with candles & music.
The start of fall.
Grey’s Anatomy.
Purchasing new music.
A clean house.
A whole day spent in my pajamas.
Rainy days off work.
Scrapbooking time.
Afternoon naps.
New bold gel pens.
Journals.
Flavored coffee with fat free Hazelnut creamer.
My children’s laughter & goofiness.
Google reader.
“Me” time.
Organization.
The Office.
Butterflies.

Authentic community is very painful and risky. A community of friends are mirrors of your soul. They are willing to tell you what they hear and what they see with the hope that you will become a better person and also do the same for them. It hurts.

~You cannot know that which is most beautiful in yourself unless you are willing to name that which is most hideous. ~

Dan Allender

“Next to the word of God, the noble art of music is the greatest treasure in the world. It controls our thoughts, minds hearts, and spirits….a person who…does not regard music as a marvelous creation of God…does not deserve to be called a human being; he should be permitted to hear nothing but the braying of asses and the grunting of hogs.”
-MARTIN LUTHER

Well, I officially have a Kindergartner and 2nd grader. My girls are growing up so fast. I was emotionally okay until Chloe’s hair was up in pigtails and she put her huge backpack on. That Hannah Montana backpack is as big as she is! Chloe also told me, “I want to get dressed in my room so that nobody sees my privacies!”
Jordyn is “super duper” excited! She is claiming that she is going to walk to her class by herself the first day. We will see!

Time for a little “me” update. I wasn’t updating my blog or on the internet much for a while. In fact, I deleted my Myspace page (gasp!). Basically, I had been spending time trying to get my crap together. I have posted many times over the last year about a struggle with depression. I finally have gotten off of my ass and have been trying to do something about it. Blair & I started seeing counselor some months back & I started taking Lexapro. I hate medication, but have realized that if it makes me a happier person & better wife & mother then I have no choice. The history of depression & mental illness on both sides of my family is rather astounding. So, I sucked it up & I am better for it. It is still a journey but one with much less crying & anxiety.

I realize also that I needed to stop creating who I thought I was supposed to be and start discovering who I really am. I feel deep in discovery. I have been a Christian since the age of 18. Along with that, I made up all these rules & ideas of what I thought a Christian was supposed to look like & act like. I am finally at the realization that I have to be who God has specifically called Me & ONLY Me to be. I am not the cookie cutter, dress wearing, only King James Version toting Christian. I have tattoos & love rock music. I drop the “F” bomb on occasion. I like a beer every once in a while. But guess what? THAT IS OKAY. I love God! God loves me! As simple as that.

Me. For better or worse, here I am.

Chloe’s prayer tonight:

“Dear Gawd, Please help Angeleeekey to feel better if she has diarrhea even if she wets her pants. And I love Jordyn. A-man.”

For the record, Chloe hasn’t seen her preschool friend Angelique in months! We have tried to teach the girls that they can pray about ANYTHING and tell God anything they want. This was one of those nights where I could not stop giggling after the girls left the room after prayer time.

I am sometimes more perceptive than I would like to be.
I have alot of junk in my trunk.
I am way to hard on myself.
I am very much pro-life. (My mom was pregnant at 16. She had choices.)
I typically get along with guys more than girls. (Women can be petty, emotional and catty.)
I am lousy at forgiving myself.
I am an indoor gal.
I can be brutally honest.
I LOVE coffee.
I call myself a scrapbooker, but I really just buy the supplies and organize them obsessively.
I cannot relax unless my house is neat therefore I never relax.
I love journals and have the habit of writing about 5 to 8 pages in them then starting a new one.
I LOVE bold black line gel pens. I feel that I write neater with the right pen.
I am extremely self conscious. I am fat, go figure.
I wear black everyday. It is the dress code at work, but I am most comfortable in it.
I have worn the same shade of base makeup for at least 5 years.
I would nap every single day if given the chance.
I have a hard time with fake people and the lack of authenticity in this world. Be who you are and admit when you are struggling.
I LOVE God with every thing that is in me, but have a hard time dealing with THE church.
I am 32 flavors and then some………………….(Ani Difranco)

A- Authenticity
B- Blair
C- Chloe, Converse, Chinese Food, Church, Coffee, Chick-fil-A
D- Donna (Aunt), Devotionals
E- Eternal Life
F- Family, Forgiveness
G- God, Grace
H - Health, Husband
I - Insight
J - Jordyn, Joy, Journals
K - Kindness
L- Love, Lexapro, Lenscrafters, Life
M- Mommy (being called one), Marriage, Music
N- Nonfat Coffee Creamer
O- Organization
P- Pens, Prayer
Q- Quiet
R- Rest, Relaxation, Rozerem
S- Scrapbooking, Sleep, Starbucks
T- Time, Tattoos
U- Understanding
V- Venting (frustrations)
W- Worship
X- ???
Y- Yuengling
Z- ???